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December 20, 2006

Violent Acres

This chick is kind of like Maddox, but put together better. It's too bad she's an old, married, self absorbed bitch or she'd be after my own heart. Excerpts below, but I suggest you check her out and read the whole stories...


Peeves 3 & 4: Ugly Kids and Tanning Beds

Have you ever stood in a line at a department store loudly talking to your toddler just hoping and praying someone would compliment his cuteness? If so, I hate you and I hope you die.

This happened to me just last night. I was standing in line, minding my own business, attempting to buy a DVD. The woman ahead of me was talking to her son, who looked around 1ish. Every few minutes, she would shoot me an expected look, as if to say, "Hereís your cue. Feel free to jump in and coo at him at any timeÖ" The more I ignored her, the more animated her one sided conversation got. Finally, the little brat blew a spit bubble and she exclaimed, "Oh! Isnít that so cute!" Then she looked me directly in the eye, paused, and when I still didnít acknowledge her, she gave me one hell of a stink eye.

I had to fight the urge to say, "And he seems so smart, too, for a Downs baby!"
(more...)


Pet Peeve #2: Tailgaters

At around 11pm last evening, I announced, "Iím going to Walmart!"

Husband: "Why would you go to Walmart?"

V: "Because I want to buy a book and all the bookstores are closed."

Husband: "They donít have books at Walmart."

V: "Yes they do. Iím sure they do."

Husband: "Have you seen the roads?"

No, I had not. In cold weather, I rarely leave the houseÖ.instead opting to stay in bed and whine about how much I hate the winter season. However, I was bored and I convinced myself that if I was going to stay in bed, I might as well have a few books to thumb through. Itís too bad that I didnít come to this conclusion early enough to run to Borders, though.

Within seconds of leaving my driveway, I realized that my husband was right and the roads were shit. I clutched the steering wheel like a life preserver and slowed my speed dramatically. Immediately, someone started tailgating me.

Now Iím a temperamental little bitch and tailgating in particular usually sets me off. I donít respond well to common scare tactics used on the roadÖespecially when the bully is a barely cognizant moron lacking in time management skills. I was driving slowly because the roads were icy and unsafe. Excuse me for not wanting to risk my life so some idiot could shave 2 minutes off of his driving time.

Swearing to myself, I clutched the steering wheel and briefly considered doing what I always do when Iím being tailgated.

Normally, I slam on the brakes.
(more...)


Two Phrases That Destroyed American Culture

Every time I promise myself that I will work on controlling my temper, I always end up making a scene.

This time, it wasnít my fault. All I wanted was a bagel. A bagel, a cup of coffee, and perhaps a spot near a window where I could idly watch the traffic go by as I browsed through the newspaper and licked cream cheese from my fingers. But apparently the Gods were not on my side.

Today I got in line behind a middle aged woman in a fur coat who was barking orders at the poor bagel girl like she was a dumb misbehaving dog. Fur Coat was ordering multiple bagel sandwiches from a list, but instead of ordering them in such a way that would make sense, she was attempting to order them all at the same time. The Bagel Girl was obviously confused and you could tell by her shaking hands that Fur Coatís harsh tone was intimidating her. Finally, Fur Coat snapped, "I said light butter on that bagel! Light butter! Jesus!"

I couldnít stand it anymore. I cut in, "You donít have to be such a bitch about it."

Fur Coat glared daggers at me and stated, "Iím not."

"Well, I beg to differ."
(more...)

Posted by Geoff at 2:57 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 13, 2006

From Digg.

JaguarAndCD.jpg
BEHOLD! The Sony Playstation 3!

Someone from the future wrote this amazing article about the history of the Playstation 3... There's just a few typos:

Add 13 years to all the dates.
Change Atari to Sony.
Change Jaguar to Playstation 3.
Change Sega Genesis to Xbox 360.
Change Super Nintendo to Wii.

Long live the future! (unless your Sony...)

Posted by Geoff at 10:40 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

A Diamond is Forever...

Digg - or - Direct Link to Article (Print Version)


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Posted by Geoff at 9:32 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

December 11, 2006

I am a Magical Pinata

Posted by Geoff at 3:30 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

Virtual Reality

Posted by Geoff at 3:25 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

December 1, 2006

Oh my GOD!!!

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Okay, so everyone knows how I abhor the Revolution (otherwise known as the Wii), but I happened to stumble upon this picture when I was screwing around today. It's strange how I find the coolest stuff for my posts when I'm "screwing around." Anyway, there is no explanation needed for this particular item, but if I find out this is really being made I would go out and buy a Revolution today. Although upon closer inspection it looks just like a Revolution controller with some fancy plastic, someone probably had too much time on their hands. Unfortunately, the website I pulled this picture from is in some kind of crazee foreign language (French) so I have no idea what anything says, it's too emo for me to understand. (If someone could give me a translation, then it would become slightly cooler. If anyone wants the URL, let me know and I'll see if I can find it again.) Anyhow, I really want to see what everyone else has to say about this, so fire away.

Posted by Ninja McFear at 11:14 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

Wtf?

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Holy mighty lord of all that's heavenly, can this be real???

Posted by Ninja McFear at 9:25 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack